


it happened quiet

by moondvste



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Non AU, Pre-Relationship, Tarot, all the members are mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:54:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24336991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moondvste/pseuds/moondvste
Summary: Seonghwa always wanted to get closer to Hongjoong and maybe the tarot reading will be what finally helps him to understand how to approach him.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 13
Kudos: 167
Collections: Seongjoong Week 2020





	it happened quiet

**Author's Note:**

> #SeongjoongWeek2020 #SJWK2020_D1
> 
> Inspired by Episode 5 of 'Codename is ATEEZ' .
> 
> Special thanks to my beta [pagorek](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pagorek/pseuds/pagorek)  
> ❤️

_Don’t think of anything else while picking a card. Only think of him._

  
  
  


Seonghwa stared at the table for the rest of the session, as the other members tried the tarot reading too. They kept asking questions, still a little bit of skepticism in their voices, and then gasped each time the woman was right about something. Seonghwa would probably find it cute, how excited they all seemed about this, if he wasn’t so lost in his thoughts.

Unfocused on whatever was going on at the moment, Seonghwa’s mind kept going back to what the woman had said about him and Hongjoong. It was accurate, everyone agreed. But what mattered to Seonghwa the most was that she said they _both_ think about each other a lot, which brought a smile upon his lips and a warm feeling inside his chest. 

_You make a good match._

He couldn’t help but wonder what else she could see in those cards. How many of his questions could be answered.

Before he realised, the session was over and they all started getting up, thanking the woman while voicing their enthusiasm about the activity. Seonghwa did the same, bowing slightly before following his members and the staff out of the room.

But Seonghwa couldn’t get rid of some kind of dissatisfaction sitting deep inside him. He was sure there was more to what could be seen in the cards he had chosen along with Hongjoong. 

Without really thinking much, Seonghwa walked up to their manager.

“Hyung, is there anything else planned for us today?” he asked, his brows furrowed as the debate in his head kept going on. He really wanted to talk with the reader more, but maybe after all maybe she hadn’t told them everything for a reason.

“No, you’re free for the rest of the day. Why?”

“Can I stay here a bit longer?” 

One may say that curiosity killed the cat, but Seonghwa just wanted to get some peace of mind. Besides, if the woman said something weird, he could just ignore it.

The manager seemed a bit confused, but nodded nevertheless. Seonghwa smiled and mouthed a quick ‘thank you’ before rushing back to the room.

He stopped at the door, took a few deep breaths and knocked.

The door opened. “Oh, it’s you” she said as if she had been expecting him to show up again. “Come in, I’ve noticed something was bothering you after your reading.” She was smiling at him politely as she let him in and invited him to sit in front of the desk again.

“So” she started after they both had sat down. “Is here anything else you’d like to know, dear?”

Seonghwa felt weirdly intimidated, being here alone. All the courage he had previously had while asking about Hongjoong suddenly left him. But he wanted answers and this woman seemed keen on helping him out.

“Actually” he said, finally looking up. “I felt like there’s more to what you could see in the cards we’ve chosen than what you said.”

The woman nodded, looking at him with eyes that could pierce right through one’s soul and he felt a shiver go down his spine. She reached out for the deck and started looking through it, placing the cards he’d previously chosen on top of the desk.

“You want to know more about how your friend feels towards you?” she asked with a knowing smile on her face and Seonghwa could feel his cheeks getting hotter.

Maybe he was a fool for trusting the cards and some random woman, but Hongjoong’s actions were always playing tricks on his mind and he just wanted something to hold on. He was doing it just to ease his poor heart that fluttered one day and hurt the other.

Both of them looked down at the cards and Seonghwa felt nervous.

“Let’s give it a look, shall we?”

  
  
  


-

  
  
  


Later that day Seonghwa was alone in Hongjoong’s and his shared room. Laying on the bottom bunk with a phone in his hands, Seonghwa waited for the rest of the members to finish their evening routines so that he could go get ready for bed too.

He is happy with his bottom bunk as it’s much more comfortable to get on and doesn’t trigger some irrational fear of the bed breaking out of nowhere. Hongjoong didn’t mind getting the top bunk either. _‘It makes sense, I’m not at the dorm often anyways’_ is what he said when had Seonghwa asked about taking the bottom.

Right.

Hongjoong in fact stays out of the dorm more often that not. It’s not anything unusual for the whole team to be already asleep when he finally gets back from the studio.

Seonghwa had tried to confront him about this unhealthy habit of staying up late and then sleeping for short periods of times through the day. It worried him that Hongjoong sacrificed himself like that, but the other seemed to either not understand why it’s bad for him or just ignore the fact out of stubborness (which seemed to be the case).

After yet another text to the leader being left unread, Seonghwa sighed and got up from the bed. He knew that getting Hongjoong out of the studio without him finishing something he’s working on is almost impossible, but the ungodly hour on the clock was screaming at Seonghwa to do something about it.

And so he did. Putting on the first hoodie he found, he walked up to Yunho and San’s room. The door was open, but even so, he knocked on the door frame gently to get their attention.

“I’m going to get Hongjoong back home” he said quietly before wishing them both a good night and leaving the dorm.

It was pretty cold outside and Seonghwa wondered if Hongjoong had something warm to put on or if he had made himself some tea in the meantime by any chance. 

Before, Hongjoong used to drink coffee from the vending machine, but after Seonghwa had scolded him about getting too much caffeine into his system, the younger stopped. Or at least he claimed to. But Seonghwa didn’t have the guts to actually check it, knowing that even if he did find coffee cups and confronted Hongjoong about it, it’d sooner turn into an argument about him not trusting Hongjoong than making the leader realise he should make a change.

So Seonghwa held himself back from checking the trash can each time he was at the studio.

Walking inside the building, he greeted the bodyguard at the entrance. Seonghwa could swear he saw the man shaking his head as if saying ‘those kids are going to overwork themselves one day’. The security often witnesses them staying up late in the practice rooms, only to return early in the morning. Sometimes they exchange ‘good mornings’ with the same guard who they said their ‘good nights’ to a few hours before. It’s no wonder that they worry a little bit, anyone who saw that would be concerned. But that’s the life they all signed up for.

That doesn’t mean they should get completely swallowed up by the work though, as Hongjoong seems to believe. And Seonghwa is there to remind them that, though it’d be a lie for him claim that it doesn’t happen to him too. That’s when the younger members step in. After all that’s what they have each other for. To support each other, to constantly remind each other to take a rest, to let some things go, to remember that health comes first.

And so, Seonghwa stopped in front of the door to the studio. He took a few deep breaths, knowing it’s not going to be as easy as he wished for it to be.

A few gentle knocks on the door didn’t really do much, but Seonghwa always starts off like that, in case Hongjoong has his headphones off or dozed off without noticing.

No response, so he knocked more firmly, but just as he suspected, the other still didn’t hear it. Seonghwa doesn’t like walking in without a proper sign of consent, but he’d sooner die in front of that door than have Hongjoong say ‘come in’.

So, carefully, he opened the door and slowly made his way inside. Closing the door, he watched Hongjoong, completely lost in the process of creation. A warm feeling spread in Seonghwa’s chest at the sight of a tiny figure on a spinning chair, swaying slightly to the music only he could hear.

Sometimes Seonghwa feels guilty for dragging the other away from work. He can see the passion in his eyes each time he’s composing. The amount of love Hongjoong has for music is beyond anyone’s comprehension, the happiness it brings him being something that sometimes stops Seonghwa from dragging Hongjoong home from his studio.

But it was fine as long as Hongjoong gave up himself, even if it took a lot of time to convince him to just save the progress and come back home to rest.

However there were also those days where Hongjoong’s passion mixed with the pressure and stress coming from the high expectations of him, making him do and say things he didn’t really mean. The first time it happened, Seonghwa couldn’t sleep at all.

Jongho would often show up then, as if sensing something is wrong, and comfort Seonghwa, reassuring him that ‘ _Hongjoong_ _hyung didn’t mean it’._ And Seonghwa knows that people could say a lot of hurtful things when stressed and tired. Hell, he isn’t without a fault himself. He knows his worth too and rarely gets bothered by unfiltered words spilling out of people’s mouths. But when it comes to Hongjoong, he’s terrified of those spiteful words being true.

Seeing that Hongjoong was too lost in his own little world and wouldn’t notice that someone had walked in, Seonghwa approached him and tapped his shoulder to get his attention. Hongjoong turned around on the chair, taking off his headphones.

“Oh, hi” he said, but immediately turned back to his laptop which earned a frown from Seonghwa.

“Hongjoong.”

“Mmm?”

“Do you know what time it is?” Seonghwa asked with a gentle voice, no pretense, knowing that Hongjoong might genuinely have no idea, being too detached from reality. He would never purposefully make the leader feel bad about it, he actually finds it admirable how Hongjoong is able to focus solely on composing.

Hongjoong straightened up. So he indeed had no idea. 

“Can you-”

“Look, Seonghwa. I need to finish this today, okay?” Hongjoong said dryly as he got back to work. “I know it’s probably late and you want me to go back home, but I can’t. Not until it’s all done.”

The room went quiet and the only thing disturbing the silence was the sound of a mouse clicking and tapping on the keyboard. 

Seonghwa sighed. He was prepared for Hongjoong to refuse to go with him, it happens every time. But for some reason he always finds himself disappointed.

“Hongjoong, please” he tried again. “I’m sure that Eden wouldn’t mind giving you more time if he knew-”

“No, Seonghwa.” Hongjoong interrupted him again and Seonghwa was taken aback. It’s something Hongjoong never does, scolding the members when they do, pointing out the lack of respect the action suggests. “I told him I’ll have it finished tomorrow and that’s when I’m going to give it to him. I keep my word.”

“Then maybe you should keep the one about being at dorm more often?” Seonghwa said, but instantly regretted speaking before thinking. The silence fell between them again, this time the tension in the room being unbearably heavy.

Seonghwa could hear Hongjoong taking a deep breath before the clicking and tapping began again.

“Hongjoong, please. You need to sleep. Not taking a nap, not dozing off in a chair, not closing your eyes during a car ride. You need 7 hours of sleep in an actual bed in your room, _our_ room.”

“Fuck off.”

Seonghwa felt his blood go cold. Obviously, they have argued before and surely some harsh words were exchanged multiple times, but this was the first time Hongjoong has ever cursed at him. 

He felt something ugly gnawing at his insides. 

“Excuse me?”

“I’m working. I’ve already told you I’m not going anywhere” the younger said and put his headphones back on. “Leave.”

That was it. Hongjoong had crossed a line and Seonghwa was far too angry at this point to act reasonably. He didn’t even feel hurt anymore, his blood was boiling with pure irritation. And maybe if he wasn’t so tired, so frustrated about another evening spent on pointlessly lecturing the younger, he would have stopped himself. But at some point everyone has to break.

He walked up to the desk, grabbed Hongjoong’s hand to raise it up from the keyboard and quickly saved the progress and closed the program. Not even sparing Hongjoong a glance, he shut the laptop and turned around to walk out of the room.

“What the fuck, Seonghwa” yelled Hongjoong, throwing his headphones off and standing up to walk up to the other. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Seonghwa stopped with a hand on the doorknob and turned again to Hongjoong who looked absolutely furious. Seonghwa didn’t say anything, just waited for Hongjoong to finally snap and spill out everything that had been building up in him. For Hongjoong to take out all the anger and stress on him.

“I work so hard to get everything done, to create something actually worth releasing, something that will catch the public’s attention so that all of us can feel like what we’re doing has some purpose. So that people can see we’re not just another group from some small company to debut and disband before even achieving anything” he hissed, looking straight into Seonghwa’s eyes, his own filled with rage. “Fuck, I try my best so that I can grant all of you some future and that our efforts won’t be wasted. And yet you come here every time to disturb me.”

Seonghwa stood there and listened as Hongjoong’s breath started getting ragged and his voice grew in loudness.

“Do you even appreciate what I’m doing? Or are you too selfish to notice that it’s all for you?”

‘ _Hongjoong hyung didn’t mean it.’_ Jongho's words echoed in Seonghwa’s head. His hand tightened on the knob as he stared at the younger, taking all of his words in, feeling them stabbing his heart like a dagger.

“If we fail, I will be the one responsible for this. Not you, not Yunho, not Jongho. None of you” Hongjoong started again, growing more and more frustrated. “ _I_ am the leader and so _I_ will be guilty of not trying hard enough for my team. Because I am supposed to lead us towards the success that we’re all working for.”

“You are working hard, that I can admit. But then again, you’re neglecting your health and the team. Can’t you see that by staying here, you’re not giving enough time to the members? If we want to succeed, we need to be a team and if you refuse to spend time with us we’ll grow apart. Is that what you want?” Seonghwa asked harshly, wanting Hongjoong to see that among all the work he’s doing, there is something missing. “You don’t spend time with us anymore and while you’re gone they all come to me, because their leader is not there for them.”

“I’m trying, okay?” He sounded desperate at this point, his voice breaking slightly and tears of frustration filling up his eyes. “It’s not fucking easy to balance everything.” Part of Seonghwa was longing to come up to him, close his small body in an embrace and assure him that it’s okay. But he couldn’t. What Hongjoong was doing was not okay and it hurt both him and the team. Refusing to point it out just to make the leader feel better would be unfair.

Seonghwa knows what it all looks like in Hongjoong’s head, having listened to his explanations not once or twice. He knows that Hongjoong is scared of being the reason behind their dreams shattering, their hard work going to waste.

  
He knows it all, but refuses to understand the logic. Because what Hongjoong does is wrong and he has to be responsible and acknowledge his mistakes. If he’s not going to change, then something will surely go wrong one day and at that point, it’d be irreparable. Therefore, even if it wasn’t pleasant, Hongjoong needed to understand that he has to change.

Silence in the room was deafening. Hongjoong was shaking, everything was overwhelming him and suddenly he felt so fucking tired. Seonghwa could see it in the way his shoulders dropped.

Hongjoong looked down and turned around, going to sit down in his chair, his back facing the older, before speaking up again. 

“You know what, Seonghwa” he said, his voice rough from all the shouting. “If you think you’d be a better leader, then go ahead and talk to the manager.”  
  


And Seonghwa was honestly baffled at how badly Hongjoong had missed the point of their conversation.

Despite the obvious misunderstanding though, he was too tired to even try explaining his intentions, so he just walked out without a word, leaving Hongjoong behind.

  
  
  


_Four of swords: there are quite a lot of arguments and misunderstandings between the two of you lately. You both need a moment for yourselves, some time to heal and to rethink your actions, so that you can understand what needs to be done differently._

  
  
  


-

  
  
  


Seonghwa was asleep, but a dip of the mattress and gentle movement of a body trying to snuggle into his was enough to wake him up.

With a quiet whine and a small frown on his face, he opened his eyes just a little to see which member came up to him this time. It’s not anything unusual, they often visit each other when they need comfort or simply want some affection, even in the middle of the night. 

San usually shows up with one of his plushies, asking if they’d be able to fit altogether, not wanting to be alone after another nightmare. Wooyoung comes and demands attention from Seonghwa who knows it’s probably because his insecurities are eating him up again, so he holds him like he’s the most precious thing in the whole world and whispers sweet compliments until it gets better. Mingi just wants to show some love, wants to be the one to care for others. Seonghwa can’t help but chuckle each time, because Mingi naturally falls into being cared for. But he tries his best to let Mingi take care of him. 

Each of them has their own reasons and Seonghwa always gladly lets them settle in his bed.

There is one member who never really comes for cuddle sessions and it’s fine. Some people just aren’t that affectionate or deal with their problems in a different way and Seonghwa respects that.

So noticing that one person, struggling to get all snuggled up against Seonghwa’s body, was quite a surprise.

“Hongjoong?” he asked, looking down on the other’s washed-out-ginger hair. The younger hid himself in Seonghwa’s neck, seemingly too embarrassed to face him in such a situation.

“I’m sorry” Hongjoong mumbled and if it wasn’t for the silence of the night, Seonghwa would have never heard it.

Seonghwa closed his eyes, sighing as he wrapped his arms around the younger and started caressing his hair. He felt relieved because having Hongjoong like that meant they’re fine. But at the same time it didn’t mean he had got rid of the guilt filling up his heart. After all, he had acted like an ass too.

“I’m sorry, too” he said, receiving a dissatisfied whine which probably meant Hongjoong didn’t want Seonghwa to apologize, because he felt like it was all his fault. But it wasn’t. Both of them were at fault, so both of them should apologize and work things out together. “Let’s talk it out, how about that?”

He could feel Hongjoong nodding against his neck, but then he didn’t move an inch to sit up and face Seonghwa. It was adorable, Seonghwa thought, how different Hongjoong acted when feelings were about to be revealed. It wasn’t easy for him to open up, hence the shy behaviour and passiveness.

Shaking his head, Seonghwa carefully sat up with the younger still attached to him. After making sure it was fine with the other, he gently moved Hongjoong away. They were sitting on the bed, still close enough for both of them to feel the comfort of each other’s presence.

“Let me start, okay?” Seonghwa asked, observing the other in case something was wrong, but Hongjoong would refuse to admit it out of guilt of making things harder. Maybe Hongjoong did master the art of hiding his feelings from people, but Seonghwa could see right through him most of the time. Probably because he had memorised the younger’s habits, reactions to different things and meanings behind them.

Hongjoong nodded and curled up, pulling his legs up to chest and wrapping his arms around them. It was better for him that way. He finds it much easier to talk about difficult matters such as feelings and admitting he’s wrong when he’s not the one to start the talk. So he was thankful for Seonghwa not forcing him to do so.

“Look, Hongjoong, I know how hard it is for you. I know that you’re doing what you think is the best for all of us and you’d literally throw yourself off the bridge if that meant we’d succeed.” Seonghwa had to stop for a second, hearing a small laugh coming from Hongjoong. He smiled at the sound, gaining some sort of comfort from the fact that he was able to amuse the other in such state. He then took a breath and continued. “What you need to know is that I am thankful, Hongjoong. All the members are thankful. And you have to know that me nagging at you and trying to show you that you’re doing something that may not exactly be the best… It’s not to mock you or prove you I know better.”

“I- I know that” Hongjoong said, staring at his own fingers that nipped on the sleeves of his hoodie. “Sometimes I just fall in that weird state of mind where I feel threatened by any minor inconvenience. It triggers some sort of fight or flight response and I just overreact over small things.”

Seonghwa knew saying something like that doesn’t come easy to Hongjoong. Their leader has a need to keep things under control to the extent of lying to himself that everything is fine even when it’s clearly not. Which finally seemed to get him to the point where everything is falling apart and overwhelming him.

“Still, I shouldn’t have said all of those things. And I shouldn’t have yelled at you or cursed. You don’t deserve to be treated like that” he whispered, clearly ashamed of all things he’d done back in the studio.

Seonghwa just looked at him fondly, he knew his words were sincere and he was glad Hongjoong decided to voice out his regret instead of letting the guilt eat him up. He was proud, because the younger was making progress.

“It’s forgiven” he said and reached out to take Hongjoong’s hands in his and when the other looked up at him, Seonghwa smiled reassuringly. The other still looked embarrassed, but he clearly felt relieved. “Now, let me tell you what I’ve been meaning to say, hm?”

Hongjoong nodded and locked his eyes with Seonghwa’s, looking at him expectantly as if trying to show him that he’s going to focus and take his words seriously. It was the same look he gives to the younger members when they come up to him with their worries, doubts and requests for advice. 

“The thing is… I’m just really worried about you, Hongjoong” Seonghwa said, the look in his eyes living up to his words - the concern reflecting inside them. “You’re not sleeping much and if you do it’s either because your body couldn’t handle being awake anymore or because you’ve found a short moment of peace in between activities where you can’t really do anything else.” 

Seonghwa frowned at the memory of finding Hongjoong sleeping in front of his laptop. Since then he’d started coming more frequently to check up on him and, in case he fell asleep like that again, get him to at least move onto the couch. Hongjoong usually frowned and babbled something about the things he has to do, but still obediently shuffled to the couch and once his head landed on the pillow, he got back to sleep.

“I’ve noticed that you’ve been more stressed lately and the lack of sleep doesn’t help it. The same goes for you not being able to focus and getting irritated much easier than usually. I know you see that too, don’t you?” he asked.

“Y-yeah, I do” Hongjoong replied, embarrassed to admit the fact that he’d let himself act that way because of his poor time management, which actually should be one of leader’s skills. It seemed to burden him more than Seonghwa would like it to, so he reached out to take Hongjoong’s hand in his.

“It’s okay to make mistakes, Hongjoong. We all do. It doesn’t make you any less of a good leader as long as you learn from your experiences and fix what you’ve done” he said, tightening his grip around Hongjoong’s hand and caressing it with his thumb. Hongjoong’s shoulders seemed to sink down more and more with the weight of his actions and Seonghwa just wished to take all of the burdens instead. But he truly cared for Hongjoong and caring about someone doesn’t mean overprotecting and letting them live the illusion of a perfect life where everything bad simply disappears. “You don’t have to go through all of this alone. If only you let me, I’ll be there by your side. To help and support you. Not to wait for you to slip so I can take your place. I don’t want that. What I want is for you to be healthy and truly satisfied with yourself.”

Hongjoong looked overwhelmed. His eyes avoided looking anywhere close to Seonghwa, his hand held by the older trying to wiggle itself out of Seonghwa’s grasp just to come back again seconds later, unsure.

Seonghwa desperately wanted to do something, to calm him down or ask what’s on his mind. But he knew better than that. He knew that Hongjoong needed to figure his thoughts out in peace and will speak when he’s ready.

So he stayed there, not daring to move an inch. He observed Hongjoong in case he’d start getting too caught up in intrusive, harmful thoughts.

Thankfully, it didn’t happen. After a while Hongjoong’s body relaxed and the boy looked up at his friend again, though now there was something different, new in his eyes and Seonghwa couldn’t quite say what it was.

“Will you please take me home after the dance practice tomorrow?” he asks in a small voice and Seonghwa felt something heavy in his chest. 

  
  
  


_King of pentacles: it seems like you find sense of security in your relation with him. You feel like you’re responsible for him, don’t you? Therefore you’re very protective of him._

  
  
  


-

  
  
  


“Let’s try once again!” Hongjoong shouted over the music filling the practice room and went straight to his starting position of the choreography again right after they’ve finished.

All of them were tired from repeating the parts of choreography over and over again to perfect each step. Hongjoong himself struggled to catch a breath in between, but he knew they’re able to have it finished within the hour or two and move on onto the next one.

Actually none of them complained most of the time, all of the members were eager to work hard and spend hours in the practice room. It was something they genuinely enjoyed, even though it may be hard to believe.

But sometimes they all pushed themselves too hard, expected too much from their own bodies.

“Hyung, can we take a break, please?” Wooyoung breathed out as he walked up to the mirror, where their water bottles were placed, and took a large sip.

Hongjoong looked at him, genuinely surprised. Wooyoung was the last person he expected to ask for a break. He looked around the room, eyeing the members who either leaned forward with hands on their knees or crouched down to catch a breath.

“How about a short water break?” he asked. After all it was extremely important for them to hydrate to stay in their best condition. He wouldn’t want any of them to pass out just because he refused to let them take a few sips of water.

They all nodded and joined Wooyoung while Hongjoong walked up to the desk with the music equipment, where he usually left his own bottle. He found himself staring at the members who were laughing about something, smiling at each other as they sat together, leaning against the mirrored wall. He couldn’t help but smile at the sight.

He loved them. Truly and deeply, each and every one of them. And he could only hope to be loved back, because as much as he wanted to know, he’d never ask any of them about what he means to them.

To Hongjoong, they all were his family. He spent so much time with them, caring about them, supporting, advising and bearing their burdens, that it got hard not to develop some kind of family-like feelings towards them. Living under one roof only added to it.

“Okay, let’s get back to work” he clapped his hands and put the music on again. “Five times with no mistakes and we will have a longer break.

The members whined while getting up, but more than anything it was to teasingly spite their leader, who only shook his head and laughed quietly.  
  
“Three times” he heard Mingi’s voice and laughed again.

“Five.”

“Two” San spoke as he stretched his arms with a big smile on his face. Hongjoong often couldn’t resist his dimples, so he quickly took his eyes off the boy’s reflection in the mirror.

“That’s less than Mingi proposed and I already said no.” He stuck out his tongue playfully which caused giggles to spread around the room.

“Three then!” Mingi said again, all eager to bargain with Hongjoong.

“Not a chance.”

“Seonghwa hyung!” Wooyoung whined, looking at Seonghwa with pleading eyes and a pout, waiting for him to take their side. Hongjoong tends to agree easier when the oldest engages.

Seonghwa only observed the whole situation amused and didn’t really expect them to turn to him for help. He chuckled at their attempts to convince Hongjoong to reduce the pressure put on them. 

Their leader was strict and set the bar of expectation high, but because he knew they’re all able to reach it. He’d never go too far. He did push them beyond their limits, yes. But that’s what progress requires. All of them were thankful for that, because it was the reason behind their skills getting better and better at such pace. Hongjoong trusted them to tell him directly if he was being too much. 

“I’m sorry kids, but Hongjoong said five” said Seonghwa and smiled at their leader. Hongjoong raised an eyebrow at him, but Seonghwa only shrugged and got to his position.

After a moment of silence Hongjoong spoke again.

“Four, but if I see any of you lazing too much on the last one, we’re going to start again and go back to five” he said, one corner of his lips raising slightly.

“Let’s do it!” he heard shouts of determination and satisfaction of his members and he honestly couldn't be any happier.  
  


  
  


_The emperor: Like I said before, Hongjoong’s personality gives off very… masculine energy, if I can put it in those words. He’s very ambitious and confident, which manifests in him taking the charge in any given situation._

  
  
  


_-_

  
  
  


“Seonghwa hyung?”

The oldest looked up from his phone as he heard Yunho’s soft voice. The boy was standing in the doorway, peeking from behind the door, not wanting to invade the other’s private space.

Eight boys living in one house together and spending most of their time in each other’s presence was nice since all of them were on good terms and communicated well to avoid any conflicts. However, everyone needs some alone time and maybe shared rooms don’t sound like a perfect solution, but it was good enough, especially since they all respected each other’s space.

Seonghwa sat up on his bed and pat the space next to him for the other to take. Yunho gladly did, closing the door as he walked inside to sit cross-legged on the oldest bed.

“Something happened?” Seonghwa asked. “Did San accuse you of stealing Shiber again?”

There were various things that happened between the members, some of them more serious than others. But they somehow always managed to figure things out and solve every problem. Which meant they were a good team, ready for whatever future held for them.

Those “It must have been you!” situations were hilarious, maybe indeed a bit nerve-wracking, but in the end the answer got them all laughing.

Yunho chuckled at the memory of San refusing to talk to him until his precious plushie will be returned.

“No, Shiber is safe and sound on San’s bed” he said as if he was plushie’s personal bodyguard, but got quiet soon after and frowned, clearly worried about his current situation. “I- Do you think Hongjoong hyung is angry with me?” 

He looked at Seonghwa like a kicked puppy and if it wasn’t for the inconvenience, he would have taken the younger on his lap and cuddled the sadness out of him.

“Why?” he asked confused, since he didn’t recall Yunho doing anything that could have pissed off their leader. “Did he say something?”

“No” he whined. “It’s just that I’ve kept messing things up during today’s practice and he didn’t say a single word about it. Even after everyone walked out and we were alone, he just left!”

Seonghwa nodded and reached out for his pillow to give it to Yunho, who always hugged something when talking about things that worried him. It seemed to give him some sort of comfort, so if the younger doesn’t bring anything himself, Seonghwa always makes sure to give him either a pillow or some fluffy piece of clothing.

“You know, I think he just noticed you were already frustrated enough because of that and didn’t want to add any more to it” he said, giving Yunho a comforting smile.

“But he seems upset, ever since the practice he looks annoyed and when I talked with Yeosang about not knowing why I couldn’t get things right, he just stormed out suddenly…”  
  
Seonghwa hummed understandingly. He wasn’t surprised Yunho would get such an idea considering the leader’s behaviour, but it could also be an unfortunate coincidence. There was a chance that something else had upset Hongjoong and got him acting that way and honestly Seonghwa was sure that was the case. 

He couldn’t really imagine his roommate staying silent if someone annoyed him. If anything, Hongjoong would confront that person. Unless there is something he doesn’t know about him. Maybe Hongjoong acts like that in certain situations.

Seonghwa sighed, seeing that Yunho was only getting more and more worried. He reached out and pulled the younger into his arms, knowing that physical contact would make Yunho feel better.

“Look, Yunho” he began as he stroked his hair gently. “I think that no matter what’s the reason behind Hongjoong acting the way he is… You should go and talk to him. It’d be better to know if it’s because of you or not. That way you’ll either feel relieved or be able to talk it out with him.” Seonghwa put his chin on the top of the other’s head, smiling to himself, as his hand started caressing his back soothingly.

Yunho may be the tallest out of them, but when it comes to his personality, he indeed is like a little puppy. Which often means other members get crushed as he tries to get himself cuddled in. And Seonghwa has a huge soft spot for that. It reminds him of those golden retrievers forgetting they’re already too big for laying on their owners.

“I’m sure you’ll be fine” he assured. “And if he’s going to act up, then he’ll have to deal with me” Seonghwa said jokingly, even though he was sure it wouldn’t happen. He just wanted Yunho to know that if needed, he’d always step up for him.

Yunho chuckled and wrapped his arms around the older’s waist, hugging him with such strength Seonghwa wasn’t sure if he’d be able to breathe if any more pressure was added. But he guessed it was Yunho’s way of saying thank you.

“I’ll go talk to him then” he replied with determination in his voice and got up from Seonghwa’s bed before sprinting out of the room.

It sometimes surprises him how Yunho not only manages to stay positive most of the time, but is quick to become happy again after feeling down.  
  
“Hyung?” he heard again and looked up to see Yunho back in the doorway. “Thank you” the younger said with a bright smile and disappeared again.

Seonghwa smiled to himself again.  
  
“No problem.”

  
  
  


_The queen of cups: You, on the other hand, are more on the sensitive side - compassionate and caring. So it looks like that: Hongjoong is the husband and the dad who’s strict and demanding towards all of you, including himself, while you are the wife, a mom who’s there to give comfort and nurture._

  
  
  


_-_

  
  
  


Seonghwa entered the dorm after a whole day of one activity after another, his muscles sore and his throat dry. The thought of warm tea with a spoonful of honey and a hot shower to ease the pain was the only thing on his mind on the way back.

He took off his shoes and placed them nicely at the usual spot, a little further from the pile of sneakers, boots and many others that belonged to the rest of the members. The bag on his shoulder felt heavy and Seonghwa just wanted to leave it in the room, take his towel and clothes he usually wears at home so he could get ‘unready’.

What he didn’t expect was Hongjoong back at the dorm, especially this early.

The boy was sitting on Seonghwa’s bed, not that the owner minds, his laptop placed on the other end of the mattress. He had his knees up to his chest defensively, looking at the device as if it would hurt him if he tried to touch it. Which was… a strange thing to witness. Usually it was almost impossible for Hongjoong to stay away from his laptop, but now he looked scared of the device.

Seonghwa walked in slowly, eyes focused on the younger who grimaced at the equipment placed on the mattress and tried to get further away from it.

“Hongjoong?” he spoke quietly, not wanting to scare his roommate as he put his bag on the floor carefully. “Is everything fine?”

The boy looked up at him, surprised at sudden presence of another person. He straightened up, gave him a particularly awkward smile and quickly reached out to shut his laptop which gained a raised eyebrow from Seonghwa. Hongjoong cleared his throat.

“Yes, why?”

Seonghwa eyed him once again. His hair a mess, nail marks on his palms, eyes a bit more red than usually. Seonghwa stared at the other’s trembling hands. Hongjoong seemed to notice that, so he _discreetly_ hid them behind, acting as if he grew uncomfortable, he shifted to change the position.

“Nothing is wrong, I’m just a bit tired” he replied confidently and reached out for his laptop to place it back in the bag. “But it’s fine, I’ll just go to sleep earlier today.”

“You sure?” The worry in Seonghwa’s voice must have triggered something in his roommate, because suddenly he stood up and started putting all his things back into their respective places.

“Yes, I’m sure” he said flatly, grabbing yet another piece of clothing from the floor to put it in the closet. “Everything is perfectly fine and I’m doing just fine, it’s actually better than it has ever been. I have everything under control, things with the new song are going smoothly. I’m doing great and even if I wasn’t, there’s not a single thing I won’t be able to overcome. _I can do it_ -”

“Hongjoong, you’re babbling” Seonghwa said, quite surprised to witness their leader acting like that. “Are you sure you’re fine? Because I can help-”

“No!” Hongjoong snapped, but his voice sounded more scared than angry. He gulped and went back to mindless clothes-folding and Seonghwa couldn’t help but cringe at the messy fold. “I can handle things myself. And honestly there’s nothing to help with. Yes, everything is under control, I have it all figured out.”  
  
Seonghwa was skeptical. Hongjoong looked everything but fine, but for some reason refused to acknowledge it. The older watched him go around the room, creating a superficial tidiness, an illusion of order and control, so that he could convince himself that things indeed were fine when they clearly weren’t.  
  
“Hongjoong, please” he tried again, looking at him with desperate eyes. “I can see you’re not okay. Why don’t you just admit it so we can figure something out?”  
  
Hongjoong only laughed and shook his head. 

“It’s very nice of you to worry about me, but there’s no need. I’m fine. Hardships do occur, but it’s normal, isn’t it?” he said, sounding somehow amused, and turned around to look at Seonghwa with a smile so fake it physically pained the older to see it before going back to what he’d been up to.

Hongjoong may be stubborn, but Seonghwa is equally stubborn and he wasn’t going to give up so easily when the weight of responsibility was clearly crushing his friend down.

He slowly walked up to Hongjoong and wrapped his arms around his waist. The boy freezed and Seonghwa could feel him getting tense.

“What are you doing?” he asked as calmly as he could.

“Hugging you, silly” he chuckled quietly as he tightened his embrace around the other who stood still. “That’s what you do when your friend is having a hard time.”

“I’m not having a hard time”  
  
“Hongjoong, you won’t fool me. I can see there’s something bothering you.” Seonghwa kept his voice at a low volume, hoping it’d soothe the other a little. “It’s okay to admit it, it’s okay to let yourself be helped. You don’t have to deal with everything alone.” 

Hongjoong just stood there, not saying anything which Seonghwa guessed was a good sign and his words did have some effect on him.

“You can let it go. Giving yourself a moment to breathe does not mean you’re weak, Hongjoong. You’re not weak, you’re the strongest person I know. You deal with so many struggles yet you always get through them” he said, drawing soothing circles on the other’s side with his thumb, trying to get him to relax with both warmth of his body and calming actions. “But what you need a little bit of rest from constant fighting. It’s better to allow yourself to breathe and try again than to stubbornly try to get through without air, isn’t it? You’d eventually suffocate, Hongjoong. But I’m here, you’re not alone. Just let go and let me take care of you.”  
  
“No” he said with the remains of broken determination in his voice.  
  
“Hongjoong, it’s fine. I’m here, I promise nothing bad will happen. You can trust me. You do trust me, don’t you? We’re friends and that’s what friends are for. Let me help you. Will you?”  
  
“I- I can’t.”

  
  
  


_The queen of swords: Hongjoong is smart and professional, rather career oriented. He’s also a bit cold, isn’t he? Because he had been hurt before, he refuses to let people in. He probably feels like he has to be strong all the time, even if it’s not really true. Even though, he wants to be vulnerable, but life taught him that it leads to being hurt._

  
  
  


Seonghwa could feel Hongjoong’s body start to tremble in his embrace. He pulled him in more, holding him firmly in his arms, hoping it would convince Hongjoong that he’s safe, that he’s protected, so it’s okay to be vulnerable, because nobody will hurt him.

“I can’t” he whispered, desperately holding onto the last bit of resistance. “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t-”

“Hongjoong, breathe” Seonghwa interrupted his mantra with a gentle hand finding the younger’s one and intertwining their fingers together. “I’m here, you can feel me, right? I’m here, you’re not alone. You don’t have to be strong now, you can let your guard down. Let me be strong for you.”  
  
Hongjoong shook his head and tightened the hold on Seonghwa’s hand.

It broke Seonghwa’s heart to see Hongjoong like that. Hongjoong who had been nothing but strong this whole time. Hongjoong who refused to let anything stop him from getting what he wanted. Hongjoong who convinced everyone that there’s nothing able to break him.

But Hongjoong is human and like every other person, he feels unsure and scared of what the future might bring.

Seonghwa doesn’t know what forced Hongjoong to believe he needs to build such a thick wall around himself, but he wants to be the one to show Hongjoong that he doesn’t need it. That it’s okay to let it crumble.

“I will protect you” he said. His words must have broken through the remnants of an already falling wall Hongjoong had build around himself, because a few wet drops fell on the back of Seonghwa’s hand.

“S-Seonghwa…” the younger whispered in a broken voice and slipped out of his embrace, but only to turn around and come back crushing forcefully into his arms to hide himself. Seonghwa stumbled back a little, but soon after he wrapped his arms around the other’s small body, holding him like there’s no tomorrow.

“Shh” he soothed the boy who was now sobbing into his chest. “You don’t have to say anything, just let it all out” he encouraged and Hongjoong kept crying his heart out. 

It hurt Seonghwa. It was so damn hard to watch him in such state. But he knew that it was better to let Hongjoong let out all of the things that had been bottling up since… who knows when. It was better to show him it’s fine to cry. Because tears are not sign of weakness, they’re simply a way for emotions to escape. And this poor little boy had been holding them in for too long.

“Hyung…”

Seonghwa stood there frozen. He may be the oldest out of all of them, but never had he expected Hongjoong to use honorifics with him, let alone in such situation. They had agreed on being same-age friends as they were born in the same year, mere months separating their birth dates.

It may be only a word, but it seemed to give Hongjoong some kind of comfort. It made him feel like he’s allowed to be taken care of. Even if he never thought that it should hold any deeper meaning, after all if you’re close with someone, you both equally care about each other and it’s not like one should take more responsibility. But sometimes things that are easy to accept when it comes to someone else, are much harder to accept when it comes to yourself. 

And so Hongjoong always felt like as a leader he should be strong for all of them. Because in theory someone set him “above”. Hongjoong did view them all as equal, but there was that nagging voice repeatedly saying he was the one to hold responsibility, to take care of them.

But then there was Seonghwa who was the oldest, which meant he was older than Hongjoong too. Normally, neither of them cared, but in that case Hongjoong needed that. He needed to feel younger, less responsible. He needed to feel “below” someone, so he could let himself be taken care of.

And if that’s what he needed, then that’s what Seonghwa will give him.  
  
“It’s okay, Hongjoong. Hyung is here” he cooed, placing one of his hands on the younger’s head, stroking his hair gently. Hongjoong sniffed quietly and snuggled further into Seonghwa’s body, putting a hand on his chest to feel his heartbeat.

They stayed like that until Hongjoong’s sobbing calmed down. And maybe he will refuse to speak about it later, but Seonghwa didn’t mind.

The younger made a huge progress and that’s what counted.

  
  
  


_The ace of pentacles: You feel a strong desire to help him, to be the one to show him it’s okay to let the guard down and let someone else be strong for him. If you gain his trust, you’ll be able to teach him to open up again._

  
  
  


-

  
  
  


If anyone were to describe Hongjoong in one word, it’d surely be _passionate._

The boy’s eyes are filled with burning fire more often than not. Whatever he’s doing, he gives his all and even more. When given a task, not only does he meet every deadline, but also never settles for anything less than perfection. It’s impossible to see him do something half-heartedly.

That’s why Seonghwa found himself adoring their leader so soon after meeting him for the first time. He’d even go as far as claiming that Hongjoong is his role model and being in one group doesn’t change it. If anything it was actually a good thing, each time Seonghwa found himself struggling, all it took him to gain his motivation back was a quick glance at Hongjoong who was either working on something or taking a well deserved break. The latter not happening much anyway.

Seonghwa is convinced Hongjoong is what he needed in his life. Nothing and no one else had ever had such a strong impact on him, not a single thing had him flaming with positive energy and motivation more than their leader.

He couldn’t get over how much he admired the boy. Hell, if Hongjoong asked, Seonghwa would single-handedly build him a whole temple and worship him like a fool he was.

It’s rare to find someone like Hongjoong, really. And so Seonghwa thanks his fate for giving him the opportunity to not only meet him, but also be able to work with him and become his friend. Thanks to him, Seonghwa finds it easier to find strength when things seem to be against him.

Watching Hongjoong work on his music, give his best on dance practices, reform his clothing, try more and more new things… It’s truly inspirational. Seonghwa often finds himself unable to look away from him, too caught up in the precious moment of Hongjoong indulging himself in the burning passion.

Hongjoong loves what he does and Seonghwa is lucky enough to find pleasure in the same things, to share the same interests and passions.

If he was to choose the moment when he’s the happiest, he’d say it’s when both him and Hongjoong get lost in music. No matter if listening, dancing, singing or rapping. He’s the happiest when music takes over him and he can see the same thing happening to Hongjoong.

And he’s lucky to be able to experience it each and every day.

  
  
  


_The ace of wands: Pure-hearted is what you are, Seonghwa. There’s great passion and optimism in you which pushes you to go for what your heart desires. What you’re looking for is someone who's equally passionate about the same things as you. And well… You have tendency for falling in love with your friends, because you can’t see romantic relation without friendship._

  
  
  


-

  
  
  


“Hyung, do you want to go with us?” Wooyoung asked him as the members who were still at the dorm discussed their plans for the day off.

Seonghwa, who was too busy with trying to find something for breakfast, hadn’t heard a single thing from their talk. He turned to look at the four boys sitting on their living room’s floor with phones in their hands, looking for some fun places to go and maybe some new place to eat at.

“Sorry, I wasn’t listening.”

“San and I are going to the arcade!” Wooyoung exclaimed, throwing his hands up in excitement and Seonghwa couldn’t hold back a chuckle at the sight. _Cute._

He actually enjoys spending time with San and Wooyoung and often asks if he can join them when they’re about to go somewhere together. They tease him every time, but let him “third-wheel” anyway, as they jokingly call it.  
  
“Sorry” Seonghwa said, taking some leftovers from the previous day’s dinner out of the fridge. “I was meaning to go out with Hongjoong today.”

The boys exchanged meaningful glances and as Seonghwa walked with the plate full of food, he could see Wooyoung wiggling his eyebrows at him. He sighed and the room was filled with giggles.

They were so childish sometimes. It was cute though, funny even, so he didn’t mind.

By the time he’d finished his breakfast all of them were already walking out of the dorm, saying their goodbyes to Seonghwa who followed soon after.

When it comes to Hongjoong, it’s relatively easy to find him if he’s not in sight. So without a call or a text, Seonghwa just takes a quick walk to their company’s building. He bowed to the bodyguard at the entrance with a polite smile.

He knocked on the studio’s door and after no response came he slowly opened the door, as always, to not startle Hongjoong.

Peeking inside, he saw Hongjoong talking with Mingi who was nodding rapidly at something the older was telling him. They had some pieces of paper taking over the place on the desk, a whole trash can of crushed notes under the table, headphones hanging around their necks.

Seonghwa cleared his throat to get their attention. They both looked up at him and he sent them a smile.

“Oh, hi hyung!” Mingi returned the smile, just a bit wider and brighter.

“Hi” said Hongjoong happily as he turned to the oldest on his chair, leaving the paper he held on top of the whole pile of others. “You need something?”

Seonghwa’s heart skipped a bit, seeing the other in such a good mood.

“Actually, I’ve been thinking if you wanted to go out today” he said. “It’s been a while since we’ve been out last time and I found out there’s a new ramen shop not far from here.”

Hongjoong pouted slightly as he listened to his friend and looked at Mingi who was now scribbling something down on his paper, looking as if sudden inspiration had come down on him and both Hongjoong and Seonghwa laughed quietly.

“That’d be nice” he replied and Seonghwa got excited at the thought of Hongjoong agreeing to spend some free time with him. “But I promised Mingi to help him with some lyrics today.”

“Oh” fell from Seonghwa’s lips. For some reason he wasn’t ready for that, but tried to keep his disappointment unnoticeable. After all he had no reason to make Hongjoong feel bad about not being able to go out with him. He could have thought to ask earlier.

“I’m sorry, Seonghwa” Hongjoong said with a tiny hint of regret in his voice. Or maybe it was Seonghwa imagining things. “Next time I’ll take us somewhere, how about that?”

Seonghwa smiled slightly at the offer and nodded before saying goodbye to both Hongjoong and Mingi, and leaving the studio.

As he walked down the street on the way back to their dorm, his chest started to get heavy with some weird, unpleasant feeling. The thought of Hongjoong and Mingi back in the studio seemed to only make it worse and Seonghwa couldn’t understand why it would bother him.

But as he kept thinking, his mind was slowly filling up with thoughts he wished had never appeared. There was no reason for him to feel bad about the situation. People have plans that don’t include their whole circle of friends, but he still felt left out.

The first thing he thought about when they had got their day off was to spend it with Hongjoong and the fact that it wasn’t the case for the other kind of hurt him. There wasn’t much time they could spend together besides practices. And even less time they were able to spend by themselves.

But maybe Hongjoong didn’t really feel the need to spend his time like that as much as Seonghwa did. And it’s not like Seonghwa can blame him.

He hated that feeling. Not only did it hurt, but also made him feel disappointed with himself. Because he loved Mingi, that boy was like a ray of sunshine. But now he couldn’t help but develop some ugly feelings towards him just because it was him spending time with Hongjoong, not Seonghwa.

The more he thought about it, the more sense it all made. After all Mingi is a rapper too, they share their main mean of self-expression. Moreover, they were supposed to work together as a duo, have the chemistry visible on stage and audible on the records. Of course it made sense that they spend time together.

Seonghwa had wanted to be a rapper too. He still thinks his voice sounds nice when he raps. But after a few practices he was assigned to become a vocalist and while he didn’t mind that much, there was a bit of bitterness the decision had left.

Now it came back to him, because if they’d let him rap, he’d be there in the studio with Hongjoong.

And he knew it’s stupid, but his heart tightened at the sudden wave of insecurity rushing through his mind. Because the closer they get to their debut, the more time will the rap line spend together. After debut it will surely be more often than not. 

Seonghwa suddenly felt so scared of Hongjoong preferring it that way. So scared of Hongjoong choosing Mingi over him.

He tried to shove away all the ugly thoughts, but it seemed like it was going to be much harder than he wished it’d be.

  
  
  


_The devil: When it comes to Hongjoong, you feel insecure. You fear not being good enough for him which would lead to him leaving you behind. Tell me, Seonghwa, do you often feel jealous?_

  
  
  


-

  
  
  


It's one of those nights again.

After the “breakthrough”, Hongjoong started to seek out for Seonghwa when things were getting too much for him to handle. There aren’t many words exchanged between them in moments like those. Physical contact seems enough for the younger and Seonghwa isn’t to complain.

It's not just them who noticed something had changed. Their soon-to-be manager even praised Hongjoong for dealing with stress so well lately and the boy immediately looked at Seonghwa and mouthed “thank you”.

Things are slowly getting better. Hongjoong still has a tendency to stay up all night and Seonghwa still scolds him for doing so. But a sheepish smile on Hongjoong’s face and a small “sorry” instead of fights and yelling are enough for now. Their leader is taking his time, making baby steps and who is Seonghwa to rush him.

Seonghwa isn’t the only one to initiate the small changes. Hongjoong is eager to work on himself, so he changs things on his own initiative, positively surprising Seonghwa with the outcome.

Seonghwa lets himself be a little selfish and admit that Hongjoong being more affectionate and even going as far as demanding physical affection from him is one of his favorite changes. The first time Hongjoong came up to him to rest his head on Seonghwa’s shoulder, acting so casually about it, got the older to question his own sanity. He even asked Yeosang if he had seen it, because he was almost sure his mind was playing tricks on him.

But no. Hongjoong seems to accept the fact that those little acts don’t make him out to be weak and allows himself to finally get something he has been yearning for.

Therefore Hongjoong sleeping curled up by Seonghwa’s side, taking a bit more than a half of his bed isn’t something unusual at this point.

The older holds him close to his own body and observes Hongjoong’s calm expression, smiling gently as he thinks about how proud he is of their leader. 

His relation with Hongjoong has been quite a ride since the very beginning. A lot of things has happened and sometimes Seonghwa finds himself wondering if there was something he should have done differently. He knows, however, that there was nothing he could do about the past. It doesn’t bother him though, as the future is still in his hands.

And maybe things did turn out a bit different from what he had intended them to. Maybe he grew much more attached than he had planned to and his heart ached each time he was refused the closeness. 

But watching Hongjoong open up to not only him, but other people too, makes it up for all the times his chest heavied painfully.

Seonghwa is ready to bear all the pain if that means Hongjoong will finally find peace of mind. He's there to help Hongjoong get through the difficult process of learning how to trust people with his heart. Even if it will take eternity for him to do so, Seonghwa is willing to stay by his side forever, to support and protect him.

Because Seonghwa found himself falling for Hongjoong somewhere along the way. It happened quiet, without things changing between the two of them. Seonghwa didn’t feel any sudden urge to act differently. With Hongjoong things come naturally, everything is the same even if completely changed and maybe that’s why it was easy to accept it.

Seonghwa loves Hongjoong, it’s easy for him to say it. To admit it to himself, to admit it in front of their members and even Hongjoong himself.

But Hongjoong-

Seonghwa knows Hongjoong feels the same. What he also knows is that there’s a lot going on in his life right now, a lot of things have changed lately and Hongjoong is still taking his time getting used to it.

He may act all casual about it, but the truth is that it’s still hard for him. He is determined and wants things to be the way they are now. He’s trying his best, but old habits die hard and he often finds himself caught up in his own head. It’s hard for him, but he still manages to do so well.

  
  
  


_The death: At this stage Hongjoong is not opening emotionally, he’s still not ready. It seems like he’s too occupied with something else right now to focus on feelings._

  
  
  


Seonghwa knows Hongjoong loves him back.

It’s just not the right moment and if Hongjoong needs time, then Seonghwa is willing to wait for him.

Loving him quietly.

**Author's Note:**

> hello~
> 
> i'm happy to present you my first work for this very first seongjoong week organised by our fellow atinys ❤️ the first day's prompt was to base our work on real seongjoong moments and the tarot reading scene was calling for me, lol
> 
> my friend and i made a huge research on the topic. even going as far as finding the exact same deck of cards the woman in the video was using to find their cards. trying to fit the meaning to what she said was quite a challange and took a lot of time, but it was really fun!
> 
> therefore i hope it's at least half as enjoyable to read as it was for me to work on it, haha
> 
> thank you for checking it out
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/moondvste)  
> 


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